...

Today I'm just sad.  I don't have anything inspirational or profound to say.  I just wish she were here and she's not.  I feel so lonely without her.  I had so many hopes for our future as a family.  I never imagined that I would be a mother to a dead baby.  There are reminders all over this city: all the places I ate lunch with her in my belly, the place where I was going to go for breastfeeding support, the shops where I hopefully bought her little things, the parks where I imagined we would go together.  It all hurts.  I had so many hopes for her future.  I wondered what kind of an adult she would grow up to be.  Whether she would like sports or not.  What kind of person would she fall in love with.  Would she want to be a mom someday.  I miss her so, so much.  It is so unsatisfying to miss her like this.

I don't know what to do with myself.  I don't know how to be without her here.  I feel so lost.